The Certainties of Life…
Life is an uncertain race where most people do no more than run in place,
there can be happiness, sadness, and around every corner a surprise; yet
hope blooms. Life is what one must create within their allotted space, or
sit on the sidelines and wait leaving their journey to fate.
Life is not all joy floating upon the winds of time; there are rights and wrongs;
and unknown quandaries, setbacks, and living means moving forward. Life
quickly passes, fair and cloudy days, laughter and tears, and then the warmth
of the sun subsides ones fears.
Life may mean walking in the valleys of despair until fate starts an upward
climb, living with happiness, or grief; always trust the heart and mind. Life
lived in harmony with others, loving, caring and expectations met; seeds of
livelihood sown, repentance locked away for God to judge; we strive and labor
as time passes on.
This country is hopelessly in a black hole of decay, the politician’s journey with a thief, filling his belly with the souls of good men and women. My heart feels that it is not safe with these slums of the earth, today’s politicians. The rusted soul of a politician makes my blood boil. Warring for decency has filled my heart with ammunition, prayer.
(A collection of thoughts for a writing project)
The unpleasant events of an old woman living in modern day times can be fearful. Everything around the world is being destroyed by fire, smoldering lava of a volcano, buildings are imploding and exploding by the work of foreign or homegrown terrorist. Tsunami’s wipe out shorelines and far inland, earthquakes swallows everything in the path of its deadly fingers opening the earth. Global warming is real, our weather and the results of it leave broad paths of destruction to prove it.
If we compare our inward selves to the unpleasant events of the times within the family, friends and acquaintances, our deep secrets and the truth of the spirit and soul are no doubt warring. Yes, the outward looks and smiles get you through those needed moments, all the while the turmoil is griping you inward with you pushing it to the edge of doom and no return. Of course, what does this have to do with aging; I am certain all ages go through the insecure components of their sense
Yet, all the time we are aging, in those winter years it becomes scary, there is so much to do with less time to do it. Time will not stand still. The family “rock” must be strong, able to withstand anything. I have lead life as best I could. Outside the family, I had role models, my Aunt, a teacher, and when I became an adult, I had work mentors.
I live with depression, anxiety, all of my life and with thoughts of suicide, and during those married years, I thought of it more often; but I had too many responsibilities as an adult to act upon my thoughts. All of these debilitating feelings started in childhood. When I was not in school, I was at home alone to roam the woods surrounding our home. We had no phones, and my mother told me how to act, to live, what to say…be seen and not heard, she was not a woman who beat children. She was a woman that tore her children down mentally, telling me I should be grateful to be living and have a mother. Well that statement and its answer, is far too long to place in this post, it will have to be covered as a topic all its own.
*A collection of thoughts for a new book
Other books on sale at Amazon.com
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Everyone has a past and everyone has memories. I am currently working on a project of a series of five books, a biography of the lives of myself and of those that are relatives. This post and others will consist of my thoughts on many subjects. My poetry will have to sit on the back burner so to speak, as this is an undertaking that will span a year or more.
Excerpt: Flying with Broken Wings
A Journey into a Life of Bipolar, Cerebral Palsy, Depression and Schizophrenia Disorders
All Copyrights © 2017 Elizabeth Ann Johnson-Murphree
[Mom] Flying with Broken Wings is the story of my daughter Charlotte, her journey from Heaven to Earth and the “unexpected” return back to Heaven when she was fifty-two-years old.
Charlotte was born on July 13, 1958, she would soon travel a path through life carrying the special circumstance of conditions that she did never denied, bipolar, cerebral palsy, and depression and schizophrenia disorders.
This is her story through my eyes, heart and mind. The many conversations agreements and disagreements with her, the outwardly life that I knew she lived, all that would be part of her life. In addition, the inter struggle that she would know. Her life, much like a rushing river, that entwined with my own and that of her family.
My memory is long and vivid…most of her demons arrived in her mid-twenties; in the beginning Charlotte was a happy child and young girl whose problems were mental and physical challenges in life, her school, yet without the demons of the mind.
When she became older, any typical day was as one in the fall of 1997; I was leaving for work and Charlotte was sitting in the middle of her bed talking in the voices of a man, woman and sometimes a little girl. She never gave these personas’ a name; however, I knew the tone of their voices, all too well.
This behavior was a red flag for me; before I went to work, I gather up all the sharp knives, everything sharp putting them in the trunk of my car. I knew what might happen when I got home.
I arrived that night standing by my car staring up at our living room windows. Yes, Charlotte lived with me for thirty-nine-years, I pretended not to see her look out the window; when suddenly the lights went out I knew that she would be in her dark bedroom. I knew when I walked in the door that, the Charlotte I knew when I went to work that day had gone away.
In her place was the persona of the man and woman with evil minds whose intent was to control her and harm me. The little girl seems to be there for Charlotte’s protection, she always talk kind and sweet, begging Charlotte to stay calm and not listen to the other voices.
The first words I would hear upon walking in the apartment was that of Charlotte’s own voice begging the man to go away, and then he would speak to her with a low menacing evil sound coming through Charlotte.
“Get up, you know what you should do”, his voice almost a low growl.
Suddenly she was standing in the kitchen, towering over me. I tried to show no emotion, I ask how her night went, my usual patter before I went into the bathroom. My own voice as calm and normal as I could make it sound. I showered, turned on the TV while she pace from kitchen to her bedroom, stopping occasionally to stare irately at me. I took my car keys and handbag into my bedroom; closed the door placing a security stick under the doorknob.
I went to bed secure that she could not get to me. I was not afraid to die; I did not want was for Charlotte to live out her life with such a heinous act hanging over her. It was then that I heard the man voice calling from the other side of my bedroom door, the man with no name.
“Better not go to sleep, I’ll cut your troth.”
The personas that developed over time were deep within Charlotte’s psyche; he and the woman could take over her thoughts and actions any time that they wanted too. I had tried to talk to him and the woman before, begging both to leave her alone; they would curse me and say they were going to kill Charlotte and me too.
The incident is only one of many that she and I would have to endure. I am in hopes that Charlotte’s story can help others who live under the same conditions to learn that living with these children is a forever changing pattern, one did not know where to go or what to do to help their child in those days, they were usually medicated to a zombie state.
That is not true of today, the twenty-first-century; there are many avenues of help for the children and their parents. I want parents to stay strong and let their children young or adult know that they are not alone! Love them and hold onto them.
Misery has sent many souls to Hell. They condemn themselves; a mournful cry comes from their place of unrest. They cry for what they wanted in life and did not get, they could not be satisfied with what they had, misery prevailed. They have helped destroy the earth.
In the beginning there was cold, unceasing and relentless rain, there seem to be a mutation of the earth as the decades went forward with minds unchanged. Days were heavy with hail, turbid waters mixed with cold and snow, fiery had a tight hold on the waters that covered the earth, still many humans could not see the doom and darkness upon the earth.
Their souls are putrid, the soil of the earth is foul, above them the ravens swarm in and out of an acid sky, the beast of the earth roams fallow grounds. Each of those misery humans fell to the ground gathering handfuls of soil casting it into the hollows of the earth. They now know that gluttonous greed will bring rancid air and their belly’s growl like the beast of the night with hunger.
There are many who tried to save Earth, they toiled in the dead ground and prayed for blessings, they watch the writhing shadows of misery, it was too late. Everyone hungry, cold, uncomforted, everyone will die for the mistakes of few. The waters both salty and fresh began to dry, cracks became vast and deep. The land was soft and filled with bugs and worms. The air clogged their lungs they cried and they prayed, it was too late. Those who did not believe that one day we would destroy the Earth now became sinful spirits living in irrevocable doom.
There are those that believed that the earth was being destroyed, there are those who tried to find a resolve for these worldwide conditions. To those that did not believe the earth was dying, became accusers living in great pain. Warnings from the sinners were no more than strange words, there is no way that we can reach perfection on earth, and it is too late. It is not too late to resolve misery’s problems, we must cease our downward path and heal mother Earth.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: We are destroying the earth.
The Certainties of Life…
Life is an uncertain race where most people do no more than run in place, there can be happiness, sadness, and around every corner a surprise; yet hope blooms. Life is what one must create within their allotted space, or sit on the sidelines and wait leaving their journey to fate.
Life is not all joy floating upon the winds of time; there are rights and wrongs; and unknown quandaries, setbacks, and living means moving forward. Life quickly passes, fair and cloudy days, laughter and tears, and then the warmth of the sun subsides ones fears.
Life may mean walking in the valleys of despair until fate starts an upward climb, living with happiness, or grief; always trust the heart and mind. Life lived in harmony with others, loving, caring and expectations met; seeds of livelihood sown, repentance locked away for God to judge; we strive and labor until we pass on.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Regarding Life…
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