Honey Wine – A short – short story

Honey Wine – A short – short  Story

Serena knew that beauty had an ending that all things fade and die; now she was in the winter of her years. All her friends were gone, as was much of her family, some forgotten like goldenrods falling to dust upon the wind. Her eyes yearned, her heart bled for love, frustration guided her thoughts, and she kept repeating the words…

“Old, old, old.” Serena hated to eat from a plate made of paper; if she was younger, they may let her dine on fine bone china.

“Now you come with me Ms Serena, its supper time.” Lucas had a special bond Serena. He did not mind that she lived in the past or the present.

Satiation, that was where Serena was in her mind, then she thought…it is necessary that people should feel wants beyond the want created by mere hunger.

The clouds of time have spun away like the seasons; she now waited for the last leaf to drop. All that was left was the sweet memories, like the taste of her father’s Honey wine. Please she whispered let it go quickly…

“I am so tired of time”. Serena looks at the setting sun, as it melted into the lake next to where she shared a room with a stranger
©elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

AUTHORS BOOK AT AMAZON.COM
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Revenge – Script – #13

Revenge – Script #13

Doctors looked down at the young girl in her drugged sleep; her pillow wet with tears shed before the medicine took effect placing her in a coma. Her face innocence even though she had lived a nightmare: she would sleep until her broken body and mind could heal. Her attacker had taken her for self-indulgence and pleasure. Andrew “Stubby” Bodine’s type was always on the prowl; always taking from others; especially young girls. He did see the angry mop coming in their flatboats. Mary Jane Ayres would heal while her abductor hangs from a Swamp Oak in Louisiana’s Atchafalaya Swamp.

Author Note: You have just read the beginning of my script, one page into a new book.

©elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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Mindful…

I have tried to go back over my past, most reflected upon childhood, emotional wounds, the scars that you cannot see; yet the pain is there sometimes quiet and other times excruciating. The teenage years found me defective and with no value, not without my trying. I made excellent grades, but not allowed to join any afterschool activities, my mother thought I should be at home cooking and cleaning for the rest of the day. In the sixth grade, she did allow me to join a concert band that would continue through high school, concert and marching band. The reason, my mother was friends with the band directors’ wife… the only reason. This was my life as a teenager, I could go to all of the football games and it allowed me to attend music camps as well. This did not save me! I grew with no treasured possessions mental or physicals. Nonetheless, that was then and this is now.

Today they are so many who are broken down and frightened, yet as humans we are always searching for happiness. We mostly accept our lives young or old; we can pray that our lives have turned out as God planned, if you believe in God. I sometimes wish I were a child again before understanding grew within my brain, birth. Many of us live our entire lives for others, literally. When needed I plug myself into work?

Hate is a terrible emotion, this is the most awful thing and I try to surround myself put up a wall where hate cannot reach me. It does not work for me. The hate and malignant thoughts of others penetrate the wall, the thin skin and embeds itself deep within my soul. I cannot forget the hate that I have suffered at the hands of others. However, I cannot change them, so I pray for them. The willingness to change their behavior is ignored. As humans, we need the courage to accept them for what they are; the goal is to bring manic dramas into our lives. The fingerprints of hate has been embedded upon my psyche since childhood, I try not to respond to it, they want you to feel the pain at all cost we must try to fight it be aware, be mindful for these are struggling souls, they are precious. God is my defense.

When all this occurs, we must create a new vision for ourselves, lift our eyes and hands to the heavens and do the best we can.

 

©elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

*A collection of thoughts for a new book

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Everyone has a past and everyone has memories. I am currently working on a project of a series of five books, a biography of the lives of myself and of those that are relatives. This post and others will consist of my thoughts on many subjects. My poetry will have to sit on the back burner so to speak, as this is an undertaking that will span a year or more.


Other books on sale at Amazon.com
AUTHORS BOOK AT AMAZON.COM
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_4_8?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=ann+johnsonmurphree&sprefix=ann+john%2Caps%2C221&crid=RM5ALVGUNEEB

 

The Parsimonious Me Returns and Other Thoughts

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(A collection of thoughts for a writing project)

The unpleasant events of an old woman living in modern day times can be fearful. Everything around the world is being destroyed by fire, smoldering lava of a volcano, buildings are imploding and exploding by the work of foreign or homegrown terrorist. Tsunami’s wipe out shorelines and far inland, earthquakes swallows everything in the path of its deadly fingers opening the earth. Global warming is real, our weather and the results of it leave broad paths of destruction to prove it.

If we compare our inward selves to the unpleasant events of the times within the family, friends and acquaintances, our deep secrets and the truth of the spirit and soul are no doubt warring. Yes, the outward looks and smiles get you through those needed moments, all the while the turmoil is griping you inward with you pushing it to the edge of doom and no return. Of course, what does this have to do with aging; I am certain all ages go through the insecure components of their sense

Yet, all the time we are aging, in those winter years it becomes scary, there is so much to do with less time to do it. Time will not stand still. The family “rock” must be strong, able to withstand anything. I have lead life as best I could. Outside the family, I had role models, my Aunt, a teacher, and when I became an adult, I had work mentors.

I live with depression, anxiety, all of my life and with thoughts of suicide, and during those married years, I thought of it more often; but I had too many responsibilities as an adult to act upon my thoughts. All of these debilitating feelings started in childhood. When I was not in school, I was at home alone to roam the woods surrounding our home. We had no phones, and my mother told me how to act, to live, what to say…be seen and not heard, she was not a woman who beat children. She was a woman that tore her children down mentally, telling me I should be grateful to be living and have a mother. Well that statement and its answer, is far too long to place in this post, it will have to be covered as a topic all its own.

 

©elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

 

*A collection of thoughts for a new book

 

Other books on sale at Amazon.com

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Everyone has a past and everyone has memories. I am currently working on a project of a series of five books, a biography of the lives of myself and of those that are relatives. This post and others will consist of my thoughts on many subjects. My poetry will have to sit on the back burner so to speak, as this is an undertaking that will span a year or more.

AUTHORS BOOK AT AMAZON.COM
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_4_8?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=ann+johnsonmurphree&sprefix=ann+john%2Caps%2C221&crid=RM5ALVGUNEEB

 

 

 

Flying with Broken Wings

Excerpt: Flying with Broken Wings

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A Journey into a Life of Bipolar, Cerebral Palsy, Depression and Schizophrenia Disorders

All Copyrights © 2017 Elizabeth Ann Johnson-Murphree

“The Demons”

[Mom] Flying with Broken Wings is the story of my daughter Charlotte, her journey from Heaven to Earth and the “unexpected” return back to Heaven when she was fifty-two-years old.

Charlotte was born on July 13, 1958, she would soon travel a path through life carrying the special circumstance of conditions that she did never denied, bipolar, cerebral palsy, and depression and schizophrenia disorders.

This is her story through my eyes, heart and mind. The many conversations agreements and disagreements with her, the outwardly life that I knew she lived, all that would be part of her life. In addition, the inter struggle that she would know. Her life, much like a rushing river, that entwined with my own and that of her family.

My memory is long and vivid…most of her demons arrived in her mid-twenties; in the beginning Charlotte was a happy child and young girl whose problems were mental and physical challenges in life, her school, yet without the demons of the mind.

When she became older, any typical day was as one in the fall of 1997; I was leaving for work and Charlotte was sitting in the middle of her bed talking in the voices of a man, woman and sometimes a little girl. She never gave these personas’ a name; however, I knew the tone of their voices, all too well.

This behavior was a red flag for me; before I went to work, I gather up all the sharp knives, everything sharp putting them in the trunk of my car. I knew what might happen when I got home.

I arrived that night standing by my car staring up at our living room windows. Yes, Charlotte lived with me for thirty-nine-years, I pretended not to see her look out the window; when suddenly the lights went out I knew that she would be in her dark bedroom. I knew when I walked in the door that, the Charlotte I knew when I went to work that day had gone away.

In her place was the persona of the man and woman with evil minds whose intent was to control her and harm me. The little girl seems to be there for Charlotte’s protection, she always talk kind and sweet, begging Charlotte to stay calm and not listen to the other voices.

The first words I would hear upon walking in the apartment was that of Charlotte’s own voice begging the man to go away, and then he would speak to her with a low menacing evil sound coming through Charlotte.

“Get up, you know what you should do”, his voice almost a low growl.

Suddenly she was standing in the kitchen, towering over me. I tried to show no emotion, I ask how her night went, my usual patter before I went into the bathroom. My own voice as calm and normal as I could make it sound. I showered, turned on the TV while she pace from kitchen to her bedroom, stopping occasionally to stare irately at me. I took my car keys and handbag into my bedroom; closed the door placing a security stick under the doorknob.

I went to bed secure that she could not get to me. I was not afraid to die; I did not want was for Charlotte to live out her life with such a heinous act hanging over her. It was then that I heard the man voice calling from the other side of my bedroom door, the man with no name.

“Better not go to sleep, I’ll cut your troth.”

The personas that developed over time were deep within Charlotte’s psyche; he and the woman could take over her thoughts and actions any time that they wanted too. I had tried to talk to him and the woman before, begging both to leave her alone; they would curse me and say they were going to kill Charlotte and me too.

The incident is only one of many that she and I would have to endure. I am in hopes that Charlotte’s story can help others who live under the same conditions to learn that living with these children is a forever changing pattern, one did not know where to go or what to do to help their child in those days, they were usually medicated to a zombie state.

That is not true of today, the twenty-first-century; there are many avenues of help for the children and their parents. I want parents to stay strong and let their children young or adult know that they are not alone!   Love them and hold onto them.

Realm of Peace…

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Elizabeth Ann Johnson-Murphree

 

Realm of Peace…

In the far recesses of your mind, have you ever given thought to “Who am I”? I know that I have been a daughter, a sister, a mother, grand and great-grandmother, wife, friend and held management positions in the work force. Now, I consider myself an artist and writer. All of my identities, everything that I have been and who I am now, still I ask myself “Who am I”?

If I don’t really know who I am, how can I know if I have wasted many years searching? Much of life’s suffering is because people do not know who they are, their true self. Have I met the goals that I set for myself in my life, or did I set any? Will I ever discover my true self? In the winter of my life is it important for me to continue my search, have I truly experienced a spiritual awakening?

I am certain that we are pawns in life on some level. We care for people; family, friends and many of us live a life of boring labor/jobs. Do moments of our memories reveal beauty and grace, is chaos written into the crevices of our face? Are our lives painful as we remember, as life rewinds, unfolding, sadly were we born into a different time? In our weakness, do we hide behind the veil of truth that we are miserable, lost, waiting for an Angel to bring happiness and wealth into our lives?

Do the voices inside our heads penetrate the unhappiness that we may have suffered through bad times? Are our memories like waves beating upon the shore line and does it pass quickly, memories like the sand returning to the sea? Between the swirls of time I ask myself, “Who am I”, if I defeat the ache of disappointments will this miserable burden I carry go away? Does this anguished world possess my soul? Nonetheless, I am human and I try to look past the ruse of my own life and rise to carry myself into a peaceful realm of tomorrow.

 
©elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

 

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Who am I, what is my identity? If memories are the base line in my understanding who I am, then I must continue to search. I do know that I am a unique and complex individual who continues on a journey, and even though I must question my own thoughts, I want to continue on this unknown path into the winter of my life.
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The Spirit and Soul Rises…

 

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The Spirit and Soul Rises…

Last night, I sensed emptiness, a darkness closing around me. I wondered did I stray too far off the path that The Great Spirit had set for me to follow in this life. The darkness was bottomless and menacing it would not release me from my fear. Terror like the cold hands of death and panic assumed a position around me. I had let no one know of the fear that had imprisoned my spirit and soul every night when I went to bed and the darkness suffocated me. I felt hopeless with no guidance, the hours passed slowly, did I sleep or did I just not wake, when sunlight appeared in my window and the night was no more, a desecrated black waste hung over me. What was it that I experienced during the night, Hell!

I rose from where I lay and found my feet upon a another path that was unknown to me, it was a lighted way and when I look back toward where I had lay there was nothing but rushing muddy waters. There should be no water where I slept! My eyes surveyed all that and I stood quietly in a whirlpool of my own fears, am I asleep? Fear rose in my throat, choking me. I could not breathe; the light of mercy will never shine upon me again, I was in a world known all too well, my world. I walked through a valley, I tried to climb out, there was nothing in the landscape before me or behind me, no sun, no sky, no trees, no homes, nothing. I slumped to the ground where I stood. There is no breath, had creation ended? I lifted my head tossing back the once brown flowing mane, now white as a winter’s snow.

I screamed this darkness does not own me, nor my heart and soul. I had not been unfeeling in life. Oh Creator cleanse my soul, deliver me from this inferno where I stand among the bones of those who have gone before me. I heard a voice call to me in the darkness, I wanted to wake from this nightmare, I wanted to be safe, and I wanted my spirit and soul to feel the sun as it rises in the morning. Here in this darkness my life is shown to me, and I remembered everything, from beginning to the soon to be end. I moved slowly in the dense darkness, my mind moved from time to time good days and bad days. The abused times still burnt into my mind. There is no hope, no safe place for me. Then a sliver of sunlight penetrates my eyes and mind, it was the morning sun. I was not dead and I cried releasing myself from the darkness and void that had taken over my body and mind. I live for another day; The Creator has given me another chance. The nightmare was over.

 
©elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

 
AUTHORS NOTE: My depression leaves me with restlessness, insomnia, and anxiety. My control is through exercise, writing, reading, and painting. I believe that the stigma placed on depression needs to be erased, I also believe that my creativeness is many times guided by these moods. Activity is my drug of choice.

 
AUTHORS BOOK AT AMAZON.COM
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_4_8?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=ann+johnson-murphree&sprefix=ann+john%2Caps%2C221&crid=RM5ALVGUNEEB

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Excerpt:

Flying with Broken Wings

A Journey into a Life of Bipolar, Cerebral Palsy, Depression and Schizophrenia Disorders

A Biography

By Elizabeth Ann Johnson-Murphree

Copyright © 2017 Elizabeth Ann Johnson-Murphree

Charlotte Jean Murphree died on July 21, 2010; she was fifty-two years old. This is her story, written by her mother and from beginning to end as Charlotte may possibly have told it.

“The Demons”
[Mom] Flying with Broken Wings is the story of my daughter Charlotte; her journey from Heaven to Earth and the “unexpected” return back to Heaven when she was fifty-two-years old.

Charlotte was born on July 13, 1958, she would soon travel a path through life carrying the special circumstance of conditions that she did never denied, bipolar, cerebral palsy, and depression and schizophrenia disorders.

This is her story through my eyes, heart and mind. The many conversations agreements and disagreements with her, the outwardly life that I knew she lived, all that would be part of her life. In addition, the inter struggle that she would know. Her life, much like a rushing river, that entwined with my own and that of her family.
My memory is long and vivid…most of her demons arrived in her mid-twenties; in the beginning Charlotte was a happy child and young girl whose problems were mental and physical challenges in life, her school, yet without the demons of the mind.

When she became older, any typical day was as one in the fall of 1997; I was leaving for work and Charlotte was sitting in the middle of her bed talking in the voices of a man, woman and sometimes a little girl. She never gave these personas’ a name; however, I knew the tone of their voices, all too well.

This behavior was a red flag for me; before I went to work, I gather up all the sharp knives, everything sharp putting them in the trunk of my car. I knew what might happen when I got home.

I arrived that night standing by my car staring up at our living room windows. Yes, Charlotte lived with me for thirty-nine-years, I pretended not to see her look out the window; when suddenly the lights went out I knew that she would be in her dark bedroom. I knew when I walked in the door that, the Charlotte I knew when I went to work that day had gone away.

In her place was the persona of the man and woman with evil minds whose intent was to control her and harm me. The little girl seems to be there for Charlotte’s protection, she always talk kind and sweet, begging Charlotte to stay calm and not listen to the other voices.

The first words I would hear upon walking in the apartment was that of Charlotte’s own voice begging the man to go away, and then he would speak to her with a low menacing evil sound coming through Charlotte.

“Get up, you know what you should do”, his voice almost a low growl.

Suddenly she was standing in the kitchen, towering over me. I tried to show no emotion, I ask how her night went; my usual patter before I went into the bathroom. My own voice as calm and normal as I could make it sound. I showered, turned on the TV while she pace from kitchen to her bedroom, stopping occasionally to stare irately at me. I took my car keys and handbag into my bedroom; closed the door placing a security stick under the doorknob.

I went to bed secure that she could not get to me. I was not afraid to die; I did not want was for Charlotte to live out her life with such a heinous act hanging over her. It was then that I heard the man voice calling from the other side of my bedroom door, the man with no name.

“Better not go to sleep, I’ll cut your troth.”

The personas that developed over time were deep within Charlotte’s psyche; he and the woman could take over her thoughts and actions any time that they wanted too. I had tried to talk to him and the woman before, begging both to leave her alone; they would curse me and say they were going to kill Charlotte and me too.

The incident is only one of many that she and I would have to endure. I am in hopes that Charlotte’s story can help others who live under the same conditions to learn that living with these children is a forever changing pattern, one did not know where to go or what to do to help their child in those days, they were usually medicated to a zombie state.
That is not true of today, the twenty-first-century; there are many avenues of help for the children and their parents. I want parents to stay strong and let their children young or adult know that they are not alone!

In the 21st Century help is there from their birth, find it! Live for happier times while you can, for they are not often. Love them and hold onto them.   EAJM